Confidence

      In the past month since I've graduated high school, I've been giving a lot of thought as to why people are the way they are at certain points in their lives, especially teenagers. Not that I didn't think about it constantly as I walked the hallways of my (giant) high school feeling like I was at least five years older than everyone there. 

  What I want to know is, Why in the heck does everyone care so much what other people think of them?

      Our whole lives we are taught to be individuals, be ourselves, and do what makes us happy. Why then, do people seem to find confidence so intimidating? It's something I've struggled with throughout my entire life, and I think the reason for that is the fact that for some reason, seeing someone who is sure of who they are makes people feel inferior.
      When I was sixteen I had a boyfriend (weird, I know), and I was texting him all the time, and a lot of the time it would be some great news like I wrote a new song I was really stoked about, or that I got invited to go be in some cool music group, or go on this amazing tour to Europe, and he acted like he was really excited for me. The problem is though, he didn't ever tell me that what I was doing was making him feel like he was mediocre or second-rate compared to me. Then, one day (seemingly) out of the blue, he came over and dumped this massive pile of problems on me, saying he didn't feel good enough for me, and he felt like I deserved better than him. I had no clue! What I thought was just me telling my boyfriend something I was excited about, turned out to be the cause of a ton of emotional problems for him. Now, I'm not saying it's 100% his fault things didn't work out between us, but the extreme lack of self worth was definitely a contributing factor. We never had much of a civil conversation after that, and it wasn't until just a few months ago that I learned what that did to him. He completely went off the deep end. He started drinking, cutting, and even tried to commit suicide. For me, that is SO hard to comprehend. Just in these last two years of my high school experience there has been this almost epidemic of suicides at my school and the surrounding schools. I can't even fathom someone's self-esteem being destroyed to the point that they feel like it isn't even worth it to be alive anymore. I understand that a lot of people have severe depression, and disorders, and chemical imbalances in their brains-trust me I get that. But I can't see why anyone would want to base their self-image on something so fragile! I mean, think about it, basing everything you are off of what others say or think of you (or what you think they say or think of you)? That's crazy! It's completely insane. And still, a lot of people -especially teenagers- live their entire lives that way. 
     I remember one time in my junior year, I was in a class doing some homework during free time, and this girl on the next row over was just sitting there in her desk on Pinterest when I noticed something she wrote on her hand that I will always remember. Chin up, Darling. It's so easy to forget how beautiful, brave, smart, and loved we are, and how much of our self esteem can rely on our achievements, and our work ethic, and most importantly, the kind of person we see ourselves as. 
      I wish everyone would stop letting other people rule their self esteems, intentionally or not, and take charge of it themselves. It is so incredibly freeing to not give a crap what anybody thinks, and to not have that crazy, constant emotional roller-coaster ride that goes along with caring too much about other people's opinions. There's no way anybody can get everyone in the world to like them, so just do your best and love who you are! And don't hate on anyone else because they have a level of confidence you haven't reached yet.